Being dumped is something that you feel you’ll never recover from, especially if you didn’t see it coming, and you’ve been in the relationship for quite some time. It’s not however something that’s uncommon, and despite how you may feel now, you will survive the break-up and you will move on! There are a few things that you can do to help the process along, and by using these strategies, you’ll be back on the dating scene as soon as you are emotionally able to cope with it!
1. The relationship failed, this doesn’t make you a failure! Just because your partner decided that they wanted out of the relationship doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Things happen, people change, relationships move on. Acceptance that “stuff happens” in a relationship is one of the most important things that you can do in the initial process of moving on at the end of any relationship. Yes, you can analyze everything that you did/said and wonder if you’d done things differently if you would have still been dumped. Short-term answer is probably not, but long-term the outcome would have been the same because you changing to fit into someone else’s idea of an ideal mate is not you being true to yourself. If they don’t want the real you, they don’t deserve you!
2. You’re worth more than you got! Believe in yourself. Don’t allow the fact that you were dumped by this partner to batter your self-confidence into the ground. Yes it’s easy to feel unwanted, but kick yourself out of this pattern. It’s self-destructive at the very least, and it’s completely untrue. This ex partner did want you at some point otherwise they wouldn’t have dated you. Somewhere along the line something changed in them. Not you. Them! You can’t control how they feel, or what they want, but you can control what you are going to do about it. You can wallow in self-pity and think that you aren’t lovable; or you can see yourself for what you are, a desirable person who was set free from a doomed relationship so you can now find someone more suited to you!
3. Move on! Acknowledge the past. Acknowledge that the relationship was good for a while. Acknowledge that for reasons you’re not responsible for, the relationship just didn’t work out. Now that all that needs acknowledged has been acknowledged, let it go! There’s no point in living on what could have been, should have been, could of/should of aren’t going to bring back that relationship.
Focus on what will be, and what will be is that you will find someone you are attracted to, who is attracted to you, and you will develop a new relationship with this person. Don’t jump into something just so you aren’t on your own. Take your time and make sure you find someone who you think will be good for you, and who genuinely seems to care about you. Don’t make them pay for the situation that your ex-partner created. They are perfectly capable of messing up on their own without adding someone else’s screw-ups onto their plate!
Allow that no-one is perfect, yourself included, and so allow your new partner a little bit of wiggle room. No-one wants to feel suffocated, and even though you feel insecure after what happened with your ex, you have to move past this bad experience and trust that your new partner is not going to hurt you in the same way.
That doesn’t mean that you shut out your instincts, you should always listen to your instincts! But it does mean that you need to give your new partner breathing room or you may find that you get dumped simply because you were too scared to them out of your sight!
It’s no joke getting dumped, and the emotional impact can be something that takes you completely by surprise, but what you must remember is that the old relationship did have good points, and even though it’s over, you do have some positive memories as a result of hooking up with your ex. Now it’s over, and it’s time to move on. Let go of the past relationship, and all of the negativity that you currently associate with it, and move on to a new relationship without a bundle of un-necessary emotional baggage.
Jane Saeman runs a site called http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com along with info on dating and relationships on her blog at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2
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